nothing is more disturbing than a gayish german cabbie....

truly, the subject line is disturbing enough... but alas, there is more.

last night took me to the marina .. drinks with friends and i figured i'd be safer cabbing from the mission. the mission to marina trek is only two miles long, but they might as well stamp your passport; shit brown streets give way to christmas lights and asian fusion cuisine up the ass. two miles, two different worlds.

regardless, i needed a cab. first, i thought i spotted one coming down valenicia, and i began waving my arm maniacally. my man didnt slow down so i got real close to the street and really wave my shit to get his attention. nothing. what a dick, im thinking as he passes me by. i look closer only to discover that he's a pizza delivery dude. i almost lost my shit, peered in and saw pizza man was also laughing his ass off. so we were cool, and i thought of a funny story to write... another time perhaps.

anyway, im still without a ride and getting a bit annoyed. finally, a yellow cab roared from 15th st way, pulled over and let me in.

right away, there were difficulties. 'no smoking!' cabby yells at me, in his teutonic ways. this is gonna be great... we pull off, head up valencia and roar up franklin street, the greatest northbound thoroughfare this side of lake shore drive.

somehow, about 5 minutes into this ride, Hansy looks out the window and calls someone a 'bitch ass nigga'. i'm like dude, you cant be saying that. and he's like ' nooo i was in the hhhip hhhhop nation... you must say nigga and not nigger there is a big difference!' ... basically, im looking around the cab for gas shafts at this point. these fuckers burnt me once. anyway, no gas, but this guy keeps going. 'do you know what a bitch ass nigga is'? 'nope'. 'a bitch ass nigga is a nigga who wont carry a piece and kill other niggas, like a bitch' ...

geary

sutter

bush

the streets weren't coming fast enough ... and im stugglin to not laugh, to not open the door.

' i used to be in the hip hop nation but it was too difficult!' he says to me. 'yes, ' i reply ,'sounds like a big commitment.' 'yes, i would not wax any niggas so i could not stay!'

california

broadway

green

finally a left on union and the subject changes to 'bitches' ... as we pull up to the spot he reminds me that 'bitches and hoes' aint shit ... as i give him my 10 spot , i am both relieved to get out of that car without incident, and regret that i never followed up on a recent goal -- to carry a tape recorder everywhere i go.. because honestly, i cant make shit up as good as you'll hear from a gayish german cabbie.

Protocol IV

check it:

In 1995 the United Nations adopted Protocol IV of the Geneva Convention that specifically banned the use of laser devices on the battlefield designed to cause permanent blindness.


what the FUCK ... how about this : Protocol V: specifically banning BULLETS from KILLING people.

jane, get me off this crazy thing called love.

i had the pleasure of being served by an angry hair mistress

what a joy it was today, to have my hair coifed by an angry girl in the castro! my first proper (> $10) haircut in years was not dissapointing to say the least... this girl worked me, constantly admonishing me not to move my head because it was fucking with her motions. so i got yelled at a lot, and i enjoyed it, because it is fun to be manhandled by a young lori petty-circa-point break type. beautiful blue eyes that almost drowned me though... i wish a set of circumstances presented itself where it would be prudent to jump out of an airplane with no parachute for you. apparently thats the only way to get through to you people.

NEWS FLASH...... an englishman offered me a ticket to the football match tommorrow between the 49ers and the Football Giants of New York.... i look forward to an afternoon of beers and nihilistic debauch.

i have been afflicted yet again!

those blasted parasites have found me again! actually, there is no proof of the parasitic element, but there is a romantic tinge to the thought that parasites find me a rather affable host. so here's to you! actually, this stomach flu isnt all that bad -- you get to sleep instead of work, and i seem to be losing weight. i highly recommend this to young hollywood starlets and rosie o'donnel.

this is my first blog entry, and i have to say, it's a bit strange writing a would be journal for the masses. in theory, this form should allow me to divulge my inner workings (and intestinal linings apparently) to a captive audience, but in reality i am feeling a bit shy. perhaps it was my strict catholic upbrining, or my puritanical tendencies. it's hard to decipher all of this at once.